Singleness and the Enneagram (New post for Single Roots)

I really hate it when people tell me I need to work on myself before pursuing a relationship with someone else.

Seriously, it’s probably one of my top ten pet peeves, next to guys who ask me out on Twitter. It always comes off as slightly condescending when another person assumes that because I’m single, I don’t possess some vaguely defined amount of self-knowledge and superior morality that every married person in the world must already have.

But even so, I am reminded nearly every day that a part of me is fundamentally broken. I don’t think this is a singleness problem, but a human problem. Continue reading

 

When Everything Goes Wrong

“What are you afraid of?” he said. “Don’t you trust that God has a plan?” I had this conversation with a pastor in the beginning of my junior year of college.  I had spent the summer selling over-priced vegetable plants for minimum wage while my many of my friends had landed great internships, gone on exciting trips, or gotten engaged to the love of their life. The recession was in full swing, and I was terrified of what would happen when I was no longer living my life by a course catalog. God was at work in everyone else’s life, but was he going to take care of me?  Continue reading

Suddenly, Everything Changed (New post for Single Roots)

“Enjoy it while you can, honey, because once you’re married you’ll just wish you could be single again.”

I’ve heard this one a few times, along with various other pieces of jaded advice from unhappily married women or well-intentioned friends who are trying to make me feel better. I’m sure most singles have experienced this — the “You should be happy you’re single, because marriage isn’t all its cracked up to be” pep talk. When we’re thinking about something we don’t have yet, it’s easy to console ourselves by writing it off and saying it must not be that great anyway. Continue reading

Sunset from Kiliney Hill (Ireland)

Sunset from Kiliney Hill (Ireland)

If Our Hearts Need to be Broken (New post for Single Roots)

To be honest, I haven’t had a lot of good dating experiences. In my 25 years as a socially awkward introvert, I’ve always struggled with the vast differences between the men I want to date and the men who want to date me. Very rarely does someone fall into both categories. If we lived in a world where men idealized women who read a lot of books rather than women who are confident and attractive, perhaps my experience would be different.

Recently, I was reminded of one of my favorite quotes by C.S. Lewis from his book The Four Loves which says, “To love at all is to be vulnerable.” Continue reading